The Vanishing: The Story of my Ass!

Good evening anyone and everyone! Thanks for the last comment Steve! Hope The City is treating you well. I am still fighting through the battles, but I am gaining ground on a daily basis.
Today I want to share, with all of you that read this blog, some more insight into what I went through when I came home to recover after surgery.
I arrived at home with 15 staples going down my navel and 14 staples holding my butt together. I was hurting up top and down below. I never had been a pill taker, but after a couple of days I was taking my pain meds right on schedule! Trying to get out of bed required rolling to my left. No such thing as sitting on 14 staples and getting up easily out of bed folks! Physics wont allow it! I became very adept at having everything I needed within arms reach as well.
Cable remote..check...loratabs...check....water...check. In fact at a point a few weeks ago I realized that I was getting too good at it! I wasn't getting around as much as I should so I started to exercise.
I had a physical therapist coming to the house twice a week to run me through some very basic exercises. After the first day I was sore like I had run a marathon and all I had done were a few squats and some leg raises! I was terribly out of shape. I had no idea that laying on my back for four weeks could cause me to fall apart so quickly! My energy level was low as hell too! I didnt sign up for this bullshit! I signed up for the cancer where you get the tumor removed and youre back to living life in a couple of weeks! Someone didnt get my memo! Theyre fired as soon as I find out who!
My Mom lives in North Carolina and she wanted to come out on the first plane and take care of me! I was sooo anti-social when I came home though that I rarely picked up a phone let alone had visitors. I didnt like seeing myself all helpless and shuffling around. Sure as hell didnt want my Mom to see me like that either. While going through all of this we came up with an idea for a belt to wrap around your waist and keep the colostomy bag stable. Almost like a cumberbund for a tux, except you wear it underneath your shirt. She has designed something pretty badass and she is hoping that this can lead to an actual product that others can benefit from as well! She has many years of fashion experience and the connections to make it work so wish her luck! I will keep you guys posted on the status of that as it emerges.
I have watched waaaaay too much cable tv over the last couple of months. I watched Rush Hour 2 about 20 times! Love Chris Tucker! I watched ALOT of Comedy Central and SportsCenter! I am ready to pick up a guitar, plug it in, turn it up loud as hell and JAM!!!! I will be pursuing that as soon as I can! There has got to be a few good songs I can get out of this experience! Maybe a movie!?
Back to the vanishing of my butt........I have a little more ass now that I have been getting around, but I am not back to full assedness yet! A couple more weeks and I will have the nicest, untappable butt in the Metro! I have gotten my weight up to 138 but I need to gain at least ten more pounds to get back to pre-surgery weight.
My body digests foods alot faster now because there is no wait station!I dont feel that urge to poop like I used to. It just comes when it comes and theres no holding it back! That is a trip! By the way, I can still fart! It sounds the same and everything! Downside is there are no silent farts anymore! No control over stopping an oncoming flatulence event! I fart when I fart and how are you today? What are you looking at? Cant wait for all of these moments as they happen! This is going to be awesome! So thats kind of cool for me! Kind of gross, but cool at the same time!
I went to my oncologist the other day and he doesnt want me to start my last round of chemo until I am completely healed up. I wasnt about to even if he wanted me too! The chemo kicks your immune systems butt and I dont need holes in my body at the same time! Hopefully my one little "hole" will close up in the next few weeks and I can get the chemo out of the way.
See,they cut open my ass, removed the tennis ball sized tumor and then stapled my ass up but they left a hole right at the tip of my "taint" for drainage....GROSSEST THING EVER!! My surgeon likes to stick foot long Q-tips up there and make my life Hell every couple of weeks too! Feels like a needle sticking me when he does this and I know I go white each time he does! Then I thank him as I am leaving! Its like thanking a cop for a ticket as he's walking away! So every day I get to change gauze pads nestled between my cheeks...It aint pretty folks! Beats dying though! I know once I am to the point of just having a colostomy bag to deal with this wont be so bad. Its still a pain in the ass though! Lots of love to anyone out there going through some pain right now. Keep your heads up! Talk to you later!