William Shakespeare, my apologies for the title of my latest cancer rant! I have slowly gotten better each day since coming home from this rectal surgery, but my ability of urination w/o hesitation has been a pain in my ass! Am I allowed to use that phrase anymore since I have no inner ass to speak of? I guess I made the sacrifice so I can still say it, but i feel as though I am on the hunt for a new catch phrase to express myself! Hard to put into words, but it still doesn't feel 100% normal when I pee! My bladder feels half empty most of the time after I pee and I have to go more to feel "normal." It's still better than it was over a month ago when I was unsuccessfully shoving tubes down my penis to catch a flow, but it could be worse! I better get to the day that this stupid colostomy bag is the only worry I have damnit! Speaking of worries my ability to get an erection isn't a problem, but my ability to have a normal orgasm has been hindered as well. Sorry to those reading, but I pull no punches here. If you don't want to know, quit reading the blog now!
My surgeon advised me to work the muscle or I may lose it! So I have been cleared to masturbate! Never needed permission before, but hey at least now I have a valid argument when my lovely wife asks why the hell I have a million viruses on my computer! The erection feels 75% normal. I can fight through that! Fought through worse! But the actual act of release feels really weird. Really weird. The first time I attempted manual manipulation the semen spilled out yellow and runny! Like cough syrup runny and it didn't shoot out! Fricking weird man! WTF? Anything else? What a predicament! I can't lose this along with my ass! Before this surgery I was a pretty frisky guy and I won't accept that that part of my life is over yet! So I will do what I have to do but it's different when beating off is like calculus homework (sorry Keith)! I was never a math wiz, but I can yank it with the best of 'em! Sorry to those offended! Including my wife! She is probably rolling her eyes right at this moment! Love ya babe!
Started back up on the chemotherapy yesterday and damnit if I didn't get side effects from my first treatment! Shit! When I had chemo before my surgery I didn't have any really. One of the two side effects were that when you touched something cold it would feel like an electrical shock. Got that! For about 6 hours after the treatment! Also when I drank a soda it felt like I had a mouth full of nine volt batteries shocking me all the way down my throat! WTF? Am I going to lose my hair now too damnit? This is the "Why ME" portion of the blog people! What the hell else do I have to experience as I go through this treatment? I am tickled that I can sit up in bed and go to work. I am grateful that I am feeling sooo much better today than yesterday, but is there a light at the end of this damn tunnel when all I will have to worry about is this colostomy bag? I want to get there asap! It has been going on four months of just feeling like shit in some way, shape or form and I am done! I don't think it's over yet folks so keep the prayers coming!
I really hope that everyone is doing well in their corners of the planet. I am here fighting the good fight and trying to keep the old chin up. It's not easy all the time, this thing called life, but it's the only train rolling right now so make the most of it! Love the ones you love as hard as you can. Appreciate your health whatever the status is. Always remember that tomorrow the sun will rise and another day is another chance to get it right. And remember that if you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at other people! Makes it easier to cope! For all of my whining, bitching, moaning and complaining I realize that I could have it alot worse. No doubt that it could be.
I have to go get my post-operative PETSCAN done today. That's where they inject glucose into your bloodstream, take a scan and the sugar shows any areas where you may have cancer. Fun, fun, fun! So I get to sweat out a few days of waiting on those results! Great! Until the next blog people!
