First day after surgery....

Well good morning everybody! I am sitting here, tubes sticking out everywhere and letting the morphine work its magic! I have had 4 different nurses in the last 12 hours come through these doors and poke at me! Fun, fun! I am wanting to get up and walk around already! It seems almost dream-like, lol. wait that's probably the morphine! My frigging throat is dry and all I can eat are ice chips.....about sick of that shit! I am feeling irritable. I want to eat. I want to drink something. I want to walk. I want to get dressed and get the hell out of here! I don't have my own room either. Got a roomie that broke his pelvic in several places. He is a moaning s.o.b. Poor guy!
I cant wait to get the hell out of here already! Not much to do right now, but lay here and heal up. My wife is sitting here next to me reading a newspaper. That must be pretty boring! Looks like its going to be a hot week in the metro! Got the news on in the room now. Seems like I am getting sleep in 20 minute increments. I have tubes in my nose that go down my throat. That feels weird! Oh! I have a catheter in my penis! WOW! A tube going right into the ol' Johnson! That is strange! Doesn't hurt thank God! But it is crazy looking down and seeing that!
Well I am going to sign off for now! I will get back on later people! Take care guys and girls!

Goodbye to Poopin'

If you know me at all, you know that I am not too worried about the fecal changes that are coming my way in the next 24 hours. It's going to be different certainly, but I really don't think it is going to be as dramatic as some would think. In previous blogs I have told you how I have had hemorrhoids several times in my life and if this operation can save me from that then it will be well worth the trade off!

In honor of this final day I am spending with my sphincter I am moved to write a poem, an ode if you will, to my butthole...I call it....

GOODBYE TO POOPIN'

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sung to the tune of "Goodbye to Romance" by Ozzy Osbourne

Today I sit here all alone, waiting for my ass to foam.

It's such a shame.

Everybodys saying prayers, I'm hoping that my butt is spared

from too much pain.

I say, goodbye to poopin'.

Goodbye my friend. I'll miss you!

Goodbye to toiletseats.

You'll never be seeing , be seeing my end!

Sitting here I know I'll miss, reading while I take a piss

and pinch a turd.

Colostomy is on my list. I can't believe it's come to this.

So hear my words.......

I say, goodbye to poopin' yeah!

Goodbye my friend. I'll see you!

Goodbye to my old ass.

I guess that we'll meet, we'll meet in the end!

Well, the bag is on my side and I think the sun will shine again!

All the paper left behind, on my butt is now used on my skin!

I say, goodbye to poopin' yeah!

Goodbye tumor! I'll C-YA!

Goodbye to racing stripes!

I'll never have those, those skid marks again!

That about sums it up folks! I sit here today, after having to drink 2 bottles of magnesium citrate, and I wait to clean out my rectum one last time! I have had alot of good times with this asshole of mine! I have had it kicked, had it handed to me on a platter and have taken it all over the country in the process! I have enjoyed having the ability to fart IMMENSELY!! Hahahaha! I am going to miss farting most of all! That is the one thing I keep coming back to! I am going to miss farting for comic relief! My Mom sent me a whoopie cushion, might get some use out of that! My brother put an app on his I-Touch that has a bunch of fart noises! I can press it and say..."It CERTAINLY wasn't me!" "Don't look at me!" "My farts are sealed in plastic for your protection!"

I can feel the magnesium work through my gut....I think I better get to the bathroom and dirty up the pool! Talk to everyone later! Have a GREAT day! And don't forget to TAKE CARE OF YOUR BUTT!