So here's the latest...I am about 3 weeks into this radiation and chemotherapy routine and I am still feeling pretty good. I don't feel fatigued or sick from the meds yet. I am hoping that maybe I am one of the lucky ones that won't have severe side effects. My hair is still intact! I figured the radiation that they are shooting at my crotch and ass would give me the clean shaven genitalia of a ten year old! GOD! lol! That would be weird! But I guess its the chemo that does that as well....Cancer sucks folks! Too many damn things involved! I wonder how this disease got its start anyways? Have we had cancer all throughout mankinds history or is it just something that has come hand in hand with the industrail age? I used to think that everyone was getting cancer from all of the nuclear crap we've done since the 40's. Just all that crap floating around the earth making pitstops in bodies and making camp. Then I thought it was the junk we put into our systems ourselves! All the preservatives etc.. that we ingest probably doesnt belong there and it just festers in spots until you have tumors and whatever.
Lots of questions and very little answers! Hats off to those geniuses who devote their lives to trying to figure out this complicated puzzle!
Lately, I have been getting kind of angry at the whole situation! I was just minding my own business, living life and then BAM! I get this little nugget of information to process! Like I've said before I know I am not immortal. I know we all go take the next big adventure after this physical existence has ended, but now I am just pissed that I have to examine all these different aspects of my life in more detail! lol! Listen to me! I am mad because I am finally taking a closer look at where I am at and what i am doing with my time! We should all be doing this regardless of a medical diagnosis! When you really have the light at the end of the tunnel coming at you it puts your head in a strange, unfamiliar place. I question what is making me unhappy and do I want to waste the rest of what life I have left doing the same thing? What IS important to me? What do I want to see before I die? What do I want to experience before I bite the big one?
Now granted this could be 30 years down the line, but if not....there's no time to waste on bullshit anymore! I don't want to get more self-absorbed than I already am, but it's hard not to just want to take care of me and let everything else fall away. I can really be self-centered when I want to be. I am not perfect people! In fact, my ass is the shining example of that! I am flawed! I am human! I am no saint!
There is alot of stuff going through my mind this week and I can't get into all of it because it's too personal. If you know me though you will be hearing from me and I will let you in on what's going on. Just don't want to air out all of my crap here! My cancer stuff sure! The real personal stuff I have to keep seperate from this. Maybe I should start a blog about that! I can just be a blog writing fool! Too late!
Well thanks for tuning into The Gary Lee Becker Hour! Hope I entertained you! I will try to get back to a more humorous place over the next couple of posts, but today I am just not feeling it! I guess thats part of this damn process! Stupid cancer! lol! Making me take shit seriously! You got alot of nerve!