So today is Thursday May 13th, 2010. Roughly 20 days ago is when I went to my General Practitioner with a bad case of "my ass is falling!" Now it seems like this is steamrolling into a great deal of drama on a daily basis! My hemorrhoids( I NEVER knew how to spell that correctly until now!) went away and I had the colonoscopy only to reveal a small tumor behind curtain number 3! I want a new deal! Monty Hall has screwed me! I will take what's in the box!The box! Crap. No deal.
So I had begun to wrap my head around the fact that I had a tumor. I had accepted the fact that chemo and radiation were going to be my new best friends. But yesterday the surgeon that is scheduled to remove my tumor informed me that I would be looking at having a permanent colostomy bag......Really? seems that the tumor is just 2cm away from open air and if it was just 8cm or higher then the bag would be temporary.....Aw crap! Just hearing that kind of bummed me out a little. Of course that first thought was quickly replaced by "What? I won't be able to fart?" Thats my signature "go to" move! Will I have an actual butthole or is it all just gonna be taint? ....really? Weird!! I now apologize for the visual I am sure you all just experienced, but hey that's how I am wired! I have been looking up colostomy bags and pics and anything related and all I can say is, "It's 2010! Is this the best we have to offer?" Man! This is going to be weird people! But keep on keeping on right?
All kidding aside, I feel like I have been able to deal with the news of my cancer fairly well. I like to think I am a realist and that no one lives forever. I have been to a few funerals and had that epiphany about our mortal existence a long time ago. I also worked at a Memorial Park when I was younger and I saw funerals everyday for about 8 months, so it made me think about death(not that I'm dying! Don't freak out Mom!) and how everyone takes that journey. In a perfect world we would live forever and be whatever age we want to be! No diseases, no famine, no catastrophies, perfect! But we don't live in a perfect world people. Shit happens. To everyone at some time or another. One of the things that makes our species so great though is our ability to endure through struggle and step up to the fight. If we didn't possess that trait folks the human race would've died out a long time ago.
So as I step into the ring I am a little apprehensive, sure. A little scared, sure. But the only choice I have is to accept it and move forward and swing away. Really no other option for me. It's how I am wired. I am going to make jokes and I am going to drive my wife nuts. I'm sure there are going to be bad days. But damnit I am going to shrug it off because I know it could be worse. As bad as someone might think this is ,somewhere, somebody is going through something worse. I feel bad for THAT person. I don't feel sorry for myself. Why me? Well, why the fuck NOT me! I mean I know I'm special! Believe me I know! I tell my friends and family just that on a daily basis so they don't forget! But hell we're ALL special!
This is my last weekend before I start chemo treatments and radiation. I am going to eat everything I crave. Drink what i want to drink. I don't really drink, but I may this weekend! I will let ya know!
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