Game.Set.Match.

This is my last post folks unless I get more cancer in the future, but that's not happening. I went in for a colonoscopy a few weeks ago and the results were negative for any other cancer in my intestines. Now granted the tumor I had was at the end of that tract right before daylight, if I may be so bold, so I didn't expect the doctor to find anything. He didn't. He said there was a small polyp, but it wasn't cancerous and he said "See ya in 3 years!" So with that news I think it's a good time to close the book on this journey of mine through the treatment, surgery and recovery. My wife was totally supportive. She is one hell of a woman. My Mom was totally there for me too. She even created the undercover for me to wear! I still wear it! I am feeling pretty damn good too by the way! Guess I had a good team working on me there at Integris Medical Center! My surgeon Dr. John Carrey was the shit! He was a nice guy, good disposition. I was cracking jokes through the whole process with him and he talked straight with me. I think that helped alot. My oncologist, Dr. Janbay jumped right on the tumor when it was found and prescribed a treatment plan that worked! I was lucky though. Now granted my attitude probably helped a little, but I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for those two. So even though they will never see this blog I want to give them a big THANKS!! I should thank their parents for putting them through school! I am back playing guitar too! Just had my first show with BLACK JUNE REVIVAL the other night. Man it felt soooo good to be up on a stage tearing it up! It had been well over a year since I had played for people and it was badass! Everytime I felt myself standing still too long I would remember what I went through and it would motivate me that much more! Getting close to cashing that final life check can do that for ya! Need motivation? Get cancer people! it will change the way you look at life. For real. So I bid all of you a bittersweet farewell! Thanks for keeping up with my ramblings! if you have any questions, know anyone going through this shit and need someone that "keeps it real" to talk to hook them up with this blog and have them get in touch with me! My email is garyleebecker@yahoo.com. Find me at facebook too under the same name if you need to! That's all folks! i am outta here! Take care! Asta la vista Baby! Ciao! Adios! And don't forget my mantra....say it with me...FUCK YOU CANCER! Peace!

Hows it going folks?

Good afternoon everyone! The scope of my stomach showed nothing but acid reflux!I had a feeling that it wasn't going to be a big deal anyways. So there ya go! I have also completely become one with my colostomy bag. I am pretty used to it now. I still haven't gotten on a regular eating schedule though so my "movements" come when they want. There are some people with colostomys that irrigate their bowels every morning and just wear a little cap over their stome for the rest of the day, but it takes something like 45 minutes to do the whole process. I don't have that time in the morning so I just do my thing and let my body do its business as it seems necessary! Because when the poop wants to come it just does! I am not going to alter my schedule for this stuff! I have already done PLENTY of altering! My eating habits will remain the same. Now granted I don't want diarrhea of any kind while I have this bag so I will avoid anything that might lead me down that dirt road! Jaurita and I are doing great! She really earned some points with me this past year. I guess I will keep her! Now I still work 9-5 at Mini Ha Ha Bingo, but going through cancer treatment has me seriously rethinking just where I want to spend my work hours for the rest of my life. I have played guitar in a rock band. I have all the memories of that adventure! Good times! Poor as hell, but good times! Now I like the money from my job, but it's not fulfilling in any REAL way ya know? I am surrounded by alot of customers who are negative and bitter and after what I have been through I just don't get them at all! Life is short and working there is not the most positive experience on a daily basis so something has got to change! I just am not too clear on what that is exactly yet! But I am looking around and seeing what my options are! Winning the lottery is always a possibility! Then we could see some of this big old world before I make my exit, stage left! Remember when I got my port replaced? Well last Thursday my oncologist suggested we just get it taken out on April 22nd! Yeah I can have my chest back! Now Jay can snuggle on me withought a big old lump of metal poking her head! Let ya know how that surgery goes in a couple of weeks!

New Port ...no not the cigarette!

What's up guys and girls? Just checking in and updating you on the latest news from around my globe! I got a new port put in this afternoon. Seems the old one sprung a leak! Niiiice! Hopefully the chemo that may have leaked out will work its magic in my chest to ensure that I never get breast cancer! I found out that my port was made in Mexico.....really?!?.....Mexico?....Do I want to know what the factory looks like and what they're paying them to make equipment that's going into my body to save my life?..at least it wasn't Taiwan! Nothing against my Mexican OR Taiwanese brethren, but a "Made in the U.S.A." or a Rolex insignia would've been a little more comforting!
The chest is a little bit sore. They were able to place it in the same spot. I didnt know until I got there, but there was a chance that they would implant it on the opposite side! Great dueling scars! Get me naked and it looks like I've been in a knife fight already! : ) Chicks dig scars and everything sure, but I didn't want anymore added to my collection ya know?
Here's some interesting news on the UNDERCOVER DESIGNS company my Mom started up. She has booked us a booth at an Ostomy Convention in Reno, Nevada in August. Looks like she means business! You can't stop my Mom when she has an idea about something! Here's the story for those that don't know.....After returning home from my cancer surgery last August I was stuck sleeping on my back. ONLY on my back. No sides. No spooning with the wife. Nothing but flat on my back to the point that my heels would go numb from time to time if I didn't move them around! It was a small torture that I had no choice but to endure.
In the mornings when I would get up that damn colostomy bag would swing on my side like a monkey from a chandelier! I am not kidding! If there was any waste in it from the time I was sleeping you could feel the tug on your skin from the weight of the bag. It felt kinda gross! I knew it was necessary, but what could be done about this? My Mom heard my complaints. I was probably just acting like a little boy who was whining to his Mother, but she heard through that and started to go to work on her sewing machine designing the first of several prototypes of a cover to wear around my waist. She'd send one fed ex, I would wear it and give her the pros and cons. She'd re-design it and the process would repeat itself. She was unstoppable! She was doing all of this for me! It's a great example of a Mothers love for her child . She was even out here when I was initially diagnosed so she's been through it with me on a few levels people.
One day she had an epiphany that maybe all of this can be of some good. Life hands you lemons, you make lemonade ....kinda philosophy I guess. So now we are going to bring this cover to the masses with no asses! That last lined just spilled out of me! Pure genius! Damn! I should be writing for a sitcom I am so quick-witted! Anyways, back to the business of UNDERCOVER DESIGNS. I am heading out in the next few weeks to do some footwork. Going to knock on some doors and make some apointments to try and see if there is a market for this product. I wear it almost all of the time and I swear by it! It keeps everything close to my skin. I can wear a tight tshirt and you couldn't even tell I was sporting a bag of poop on my hip! I think it's pure genius on my Moms part! Guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree!
I have my stomach scoped tomorrow for signs of cancer. I think the bad port just released chemo in my body and thats why the scan looked funny, but we shall see. No worries folks! If it is cancer it's early, early ,early stage. Again no worries! Another post tomorrow to tell ya how the scope went. Good or bad tune in tomorrow!! Love a good cliff hanger! : )

It is time to get the ball rolling!

Been another minute since I have posted! Thought I would let everyone enjoy the Holiday Season with their families and stuff! Really though I just haven't had much going on to really post about! Sure, life has been going on as usual, but nothing really related to the cancer, ostomy, etc.. Then I went in for my latest PETscan and guess what? New stuff to talk about! lol! Sickness is a motivator of sorts I guess!Pelvic area is fine. Head and chest are fine, but the docs are telling me that there is, and I quote, "increased activity in the fundus and proximal body of the stomach, with maximum SUV of 7.3" In English please?! lol! First I have a small tennis ball sized tumor in my ass and now I have a Range Rover in my stomach causing earthquakes?!? What the hell is SUV? Bottom line is that they want to throw another camera into another orifice and check things out. Last time they did that the reviews weren't too good! Siskel and Ebert gave my ass 2 thumbs down when they saw it! Hopefully the stomach isn't going the same way! I say screw it, attach the bag to the side of my throat and the food will go straight from mouth to bag! Cut out the middle men in the equation! Their slacking on the job it seems anyways!Maybe because I worked them to death over the last 20 years! Being on the road sure didn't make for the perfect diet of wholesome goodness! Oh well. The scope is on March 14th. I'll keep you updated! New news on The UNDERCOVER business my Mom has started up! I use her covers practically everyday and it looks as though we are on our way to mass producing them for the ostomy public! It is sort of like a thin, cumberbund (is that spelled right?) that holds your bag close to your body. It just makes me feel better knowing it's staying in one place and not bouncing around! I can wear dress shirts tucked in if I want. Because to be honest, and you ALL know I am blatantly honest, I thought I was doomed to a wardrobe of X large t-shirts for the rest of my life! Well that is not the case! With the "undercover" I can wear whatever I want, whenever I want. My Mom kicks serious ass folks! What other person would go and design something from scratch to help their child? She's a hell of a lady. Love you Mom! See you at the convention in August, if not before! Talk to you guys later! I have a foundation guy coming over in a few minutes to take a look at my house. The ass is slipping on my abode as well I guess!

Its been a minute!

Merry Christmas everyone! It's that magical time of the year when the weather gets cold and the Christmas tree gets pulled out of the attic to decorate! I love the winter time! Well, my last post had me taking my post operative PETSCAN to find out if the surgery got rid of all of the cancer. The scan was inconclusive so I have to get another one done in February. The doctor told me there were some remnants still showing up in my scan, but it could be from the surgery and also the chemo and radiation leaves traces from the procedure.
Physically I feel better every day! I am able to do all the things I used to do before my surgery,(except wipe my butt!) without much of a problem. The side effects from the IV chemo are still affecting me. Sensitivity to the cold is in effect! Wonderful that I get to feel this during the months of December and January! Lol!
Mentally I am used to the colostomy bag now. I can sleep well wearing my bag and I can finally spoon with my wife again! I am a BIG spoon fan people! The transition from surgery to being recovered is almost complete! I have just a little bit of discomfort when I sit for too long, but nothing like it was a month ago. It feels sooo good to be over the hump there! It taken a minute to get back to "normal", but its been worth the wait!
My band is back laying tracks for a CD we're working on. Work is not a problem either. At first I would get tired half-way through the day, but I would push through it and make it allright. Now I feel pretty normal at the end of the day! I have had one episode of diarrhea while at work and it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. But I am NOT looking forward to any kind of stomach flu or future bowel battles! Whew! Not being able to control your movements is a strange thing to wrap your head around.
My Mom is putting the finishing touches on her website for the colostomy cover she invented for me. We're hoping that we can help other people get their dignity back. When I first came home after the surgery I was self conscious of the bag flopping around in my sleep. I didn't like the way it just bopped around under my shirt so I told my Mom and her lifetime of experience in the garment industry led her to create this cover for me to use. After some trials and errors in the design I think she hit on one that will benefit men and women going through life with a colostomy bag. It's just a little peace of mind to have when you are getting back into the swing of thngs and the last thing you want is a swinging bag of feces on your hip! I will post the website and all of that info here in the next couple of weeks! When life hands you lemons, well you just make some lemonade people right?

Lets talk about chemo side effects today!

Before I had my surgery I underwent one month of chemotherapy and several rounds of radiation. When I began the chemo pills and IV treatments I didn't notice any side effects at all! I thought I was special! Thought that maybe my body was superhuman and I wasn't going to feel any different after it was done! Well after my surgery is when I found out how much the radiation affected my recovery. My ass was split in half when they took out my rectal muscle and when they stapled me back together I guess the meat underneath was burnt pretty bad because I was miserable as I recovered at home. I couldnt find a comfortable position to sleep in for weeks on end. It felt like I was sitting on a grapefruit sized mass of pain! Now it has subsided to about the size of a walnut. Still hurts a bit if I spend too much time on my butt, but not as bad as the beginning recovery time.
I am so tired of taking pills to deal with the pain of it! I officially hate loratabs and pain meds because I have never been a pill taker and I hate that I have to rely on them for my comfort! God bless the makers of them, but I just despise the process of pumping my body full of un natural things. I wish I could just use my mind to get over any feelings of pain I feel. Well I doubt thats going to happen any time soon! I am only human after all.
Well last Thursday I started up on my last four months of chemo and now I am experiencing all sorts of crazy side effects that I didnt the first time around! When I touch something cold it feels like I am being shocked by electricity! When I drink a cold beverage it feels like my mouth is full of 9 volt batteries and they are shocking me. Even as I swallow! Shocking me all the way down! Fricking crazy! If I start to lose my damn hair I am going to laugh my bald ass off! I am so damn ready to have all of this medical drama over with! Cancer sucks balls people! If I had known I was going to be going through all of this I would have taken better care of my butt over the years! I ask all of the guys out there reading this to go get checked out as soon as possible! A colonoscopy doesnt hurt at all! If you catch it early it's treatable and you dont have to go through all of the crap I have had to experience! You don't want this drama guys! It doesnt make you a better guy if you live through the pain! It just makes you a guy that gets to feel a bunch of bs! Get checked! Don't be a punk! I was a punk thinking I was all good! Well I wasnt!
Had my post-operative PETSCAN on Friday to check that they got all of the cancer out from the surgery. I get to wait until Monday to find out results! If they find any other cancer I am going to be livid! I have gone through enough over these last four and a half months! I dont need any more crap to deal with and neither does my family! So wish me luck, pray if you want. I am just going to wait and see what the cards hold! I am going to go watch some football, visit my brother and spend a Sunday trying to relax!

To Pee or not to pee, what's an erection?

William Shakespeare, my apologies for the title of my latest cancer rant! I have slowly gotten better each day since coming home from this rectal surgery, but my ability of urination w/o hesitation has been a pain in my ass! Am I allowed to use that phrase anymore since I have no inner ass to speak of? I guess I made the sacrifice so I can still say it, but i feel as though I am on the hunt for a new catch phrase to express myself! Hard to put into words, but it still doesn't feel 100% normal when I pee! My bladder feels half empty most of the time after I pee and I have to go more to feel "normal." It's still better than it was over a month ago when I was unsuccessfully shoving tubes down my penis to catch a flow, but it could be worse! I better get to the day that this stupid colostomy bag is the only worry I have damnit! Speaking of worries my ability to get an erection isn't a problem, but my ability to have a normal orgasm has been hindered as well. Sorry to those reading, but I pull no punches here. If you don't want to know, quit reading the blog now!
My surgeon advised me to work the muscle or I may lose it! So I have been cleared to masturbate! Never needed permission before, but hey at least now I have a valid argument when my lovely wife asks why the hell I have a million viruses on my computer! The erection feels 75% normal. I can fight through that! Fought through worse! But the actual act of release feels really weird. Really weird. The first time I attempted manual manipulation the semen spilled out yellow and runny! Like cough syrup runny and it didn't shoot out! Fricking weird man! WTF? Anything else? What a predicament! I can't lose this along with my ass! Before this surgery I was a pretty frisky guy and I won't accept that that part of my life is over yet! So I will do what I have to do but it's different when beating off is like calculus homework (sorry Keith)! I was never a math wiz, but I can yank it with the best of 'em! Sorry to those offended! Including my wife! She is probably rolling her eyes right at this moment! Love ya babe!
Started back up on the chemotherapy yesterday and damnit if I didn't get side effects from my first treatment! Shit! When I had chemo before my surgery I didn't have any really. One of the two side effects were that when you touched something cold it would feel like an electrical shock. Got that! For about 6 hours after the treatment! Also when I drank a soda it felt like I had a mouth full of nine volt batteries shocking me all the way down my throat! WTF? Am I going to lose my hair now too damnit? This is the "Why ME" portion of the blog people! What the hell else do I have to experience as I go through this treatment? I am tickled that I can sit up in bed and go to work. I am grateful that I am feeling sooo much better today than yesterday, but is there a light at the end of this damn tunnel when all I will have to worry about is this colostomy bag? I want to get there asap! It has been going on four months of just feeling like shit in some way, shape or form and I am done! I don't think it's over yet folks so keep the prayers coming!
I really hope that everyone is doing well in their corners of the planet. I am here fighting the good fight and trying to keep the old chin up. It's not easy all the time, this thing called life, but it's the only train rolling right now so make the most of it! Love the ones you love as hard as you can. Appreciate your health whatever the status is. Always remember that tomorrow the sun will rise and another day is another chance to get it right. And remember that if you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at other people! Makes it easier to cope! For all of my whining, bitching, moaning and complaining I realize that I could have it alot worse. No doubt that it could be.
I have to go get my post-operative PETSCAN done today. That's where they inject glucose into your bloodstream, take a scan and the sugar shows any areas where you may have cancer. Fun, fun, fun! So I get to sweat out a few days of waiting on those results! Great! Until the next blog people!